


Not With a Bang, But With a Whimper

by shnuffeluv



Series: Danger Gays: The Extras [11]
Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Background Relationships, Character Death, Fights, Gen, Genderfluid Sleep | Remy Sanders, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Character Death, Minor Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Transphobia, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 06:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21369742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv
Summary: Remy gets the call that his mother dies. She feels a lot of things at once, but agrees to go to the funeral for Toby's sake, so he has backup. Of course, with his family, nothing goes as planned.
Relationships: October | Toby Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: Danger Gays: The Extras [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1462492
Comments: 36
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one goes out to all of you who wanted to see Remy's mother dead.

He heard it through Toby, sounding hollow as he spoke on the other side of the phone.  _ “Mom died,” _ he said, and he sounded dazed.  _ “Breast cancer they didn’t catch in time. I didn’t...I didn’t know how to tell you she was sick without you running back here, so I didn’t.” _

The blood roared in Remy’s ears. “No, I don’t blame you for not telling me,” he said softly. “If I had tried to make amends, it wouldn’t have ended well.”

_ “...Are you gonna be okay?” _ Toby asked.

“I...I think so,” Remy said hesitantly. “Are you? You were her golden boy.”

_ “Mom and I had been growing more and more estranged ever since your wedding. By the time you kicked them out of your house to protect your kids we were barely speaking at the holidays. I...It hurts, I won’t lie. She raised us, there's a part of me that is going to mourn her. But...but considering what she had done...to you...that part isn’t very big.” _

“Yeah,” Remy agreed. He worried his lip. “Is it bad to say I feel relieved?”

_ “Not bad,” _ Toby said.  _ “I expected it. Would you come to the funeral? Not for Dad’s or Vanessa’s or Mom’s sake, but so that I don’t have to be alone?” _

“Yeah, I’ll come to the funeral for you,” Remy said. “When is it?”

_ “Dad’s still ironing out the plans with Vanessa. When I know you’ll know.” _

“Okay. Thanks, Tobes,” Remy said.

_ “You know it,” _ Toby said, and he hung up.

Emile walked up behind Remy and murmured, “Everything all right?”

“I...I don’t know,” Remy breathed. He sank down onto the bed, running a hand over his face. “My mother died.”

“Oh,” Emile said. The silence stretched on between them. “I wouldn’t say good riddance, because she was a human person, but...but I’m glad she can’t bother you anymore.”

“Yeah. After getting fined for lying to the police about me being a runaway, to her nearly getting arrested after stalking me at our old townhouse, and prying our location out of Toby after we moved to try and hurt our kids, the thing that finally stops her from trying to get to me is death.” Remy let out a disbelieving laugh. “God, that’s messed up.”

Emile gave Remy’s shoulder a squeeze. “Yeah,” he said.

“I just...I don’t know,” Remy said, standing up and starting to pace, hands flying around. “I always expected her to go a different way, you know? I thought she might anger some gangbanger and get stabbed or shot, or she’d rot away in prison for harassing the wrong person. Or even  _ I _ might kill her. She comes back here and tries to misgender Logan or Patton and I wind up strangling her. But no. Her death was...quiet. Slow, and painful, no doubt, but quiet. And I bet Vanessa made sure she had the good drugs to help with the pain.”

“Remy,” Emile said quietly.

Remy slowed to a stop and looked at Emile, and his eyes were growing hot. “I don’t miss her,” he said, voice thick. “I miss the fact that she could have gotten better. She  _ could _ have changed her mind. But now she never can. She died hating who I was because I chose to love you and be with you, and raise our kids with you, and...”

Emile shushed him, coming over and hugging him. “Honey, I know it’s hard. But I don’t think all the time in the universe could have changed her mind. She was too set in her ways to accept that she might have been taught something that was wrong. If she didn’t change her mind, even on her deathbed, she wouldn’t have changed her mind with one more day or one million.”

Remy let a few tears slip and fall and he said, “I just wish...I just wish she could have seen that I was happier this way...”

“In all honesty, Remy, that might have been why she was so angry. You found something to live for and enjoy that wasn’t her, and wasn’t something she had planned for you. And she couldn’t stand that you had found your independence,” Emile said. “And I know that doesn’t help, but it’s not your fault for being your own person.”

Remy choked on a laugh. “I don’t deserve you,” he said with a smile. “And I know Mom will be there for both of us, like she always has been.”

“Yeah. If you need to call her, I’m sure she’d be more than happy to hear from you,” Emile said. “And she might be able to reassure you more than I can.”

Remy took a breath. “I told Toby I’d go to the funeral so he didn’t have to be alone. In all honesty I’m a little worried about what’s going to happen if he shows up with no backup.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised, you would do just about anything for him, and who knows, this could give you some form of closure. Do you want me and the boys to come too?”

“I...” Remy hesitated. “Yeah...”

Emile kissed the crown of Remy’s forehead. “No shame in that. When you have the date let me know and we’ll get the boys and Patton ready.”

Remy nodded. “Yeah, of course.”


	2. Chapter 2

The funeral service was jam-packed with people. Coworkers, friends, distant family, not-so-distant family. Even people who just went to the same church were showing up. Remy felt viscerally uncomfortable, and she squeezed Emile’s hand. “I’m starting to regret this,” she mumbled.

“Anytime you need to leave, just say the word,” Emile said.

Remy nodded and her eyes scanned the crowd to find Toby. She spotted him talking to a pre-teen in a dress with a small, sad smile. “Toby,” Remy said.

“Hey, Rem,” Toby said, as the kid scurried away. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” Remy said. “Emile, Virgil, Dee, Roman and Patton are also here. Logan was off at college still.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to drag him hours upon hours away just for the service, if he didn’t want to come,” Toby said. “I was just talking to Susie there about you.”

“That was her name? Susie?” Remy asked.

“Yeah. Vanessa’s kid. Has a younger brother named Johnny.” Toby grimaced. “I’m gonna be honest, Rem, I think Vanessa forced her into a dress because that girl is always wearing suits to church and pants everywhere else. Not a skirt in sight. I think that dress was specifically bought for this occasion.”

Remy winced. “So we’re not the only ones miserable here?” she asked.

“Pretty much,” Toby said. “Nice skirt, by the way.”

Remy smiled despite the situation. “Thank you. I almost had forgotten I had it until I went looking in my closet and found it by Emile’s sweater vests.”

Toby snickered. “That man does love his sweater vests.”

Remy laughed too, but she knew her eyes were glassy with tears. Not over their mother, but over the situation they found themselves in. Vanessa came over and Toby blew out a breath. “Oh, boy, here it comes,” he muttered.

“Remy,” she hissed. “What are you wearing?! Toby said you might be coming, but you can’t wear  _ this _ to Mom’s funeral!”

“Well, I don’t have a change of clothes, Vanessa,” Remy said, somewhat shocked by the vehemence in Vanessa’s voice. This was not the sister she had grown up knowing.

“And one of your sons? Is wearing a blouse. Just in case you didn’t realize the difference between men’s and women’s shirts,” Vanessa said.

“Oh, no, they picked that out themselves in the store, specifically for the funeral,” Remy said. “They’re genderqueer. That’s the short version, anyway.”

Vanessa sneered. “Mom’s rolling over in her grave,” she said.

“Funny, I thought I would have noticed movement coming from the coffin up there,” Remy said, nodding to the front. Toby snorted before clapping a hand over his mouth.

“Not cute, Remy,” Vanessa spat. “Just sit down with the rest of your family. You and Toby  _ both _ made this hard on Mom.”

“I didn’t even know she was dying ‘til she was dead, but okay,” Remy breathed, leading Toby to sit with her and her family.

Toby gave a simple nod to Emile, who smiled and nodded back. The funeral started, and honestly, Remy was surprised about the sheer amount of people who were crying, or looking devastated, or numb. And more than half a dozen people were giving speeches or eulogies, going on and on about how great his mother was, about her loving  _ daughter _ and  _ sons _ and how she pushed through despite “strain on the family” and Remy thought she might get sick. This wasn’t right, those speeches weren’t right, all the people who were crying and mourning didn’t know the literal  _ hell _ she had been put through by her mother. She wasn’t going to miss her mother, not at all. And that might have been a terrible thing to say, but she was looking forward to not having to glance over her shoulder to make sure she was safe.

Toby gave her had a squeeze in the pew they were sitting in, and Remy took a breath. She was okay, she was okay, she was okay...

That mantra kept up through the entirety of the service, through the burial in the church’s graveyard, and up until the reception. By that time, she was starting to cry and shake and nothing Emile or Toby were doing could calm her down. Vanessa stalked over in the middle of the reception and shouted, “What is  _ wrong _ with you?!” where everyone could see and hear her.

The reception fell silent as Remy shook and stared at Vanessa. “Wh...what do you mean?” Remy asked.

“You think that I believe you for a  _ second _ when you said you didn’t know Mom was dying?! She wanted to talk to you! She asked about you endlessly until she could barely respond anymore! And you didn’t come home, even once!”

“Vanessa,” Toby said sternly. “Not the time, or the place. I didn’t tell Remy because I knew that Mom wouldn’t be kind. Mom would want her to take everything back, and divorce Emile, and say goodbye to all the kids she’s helped raise and love very much. And when Remy predictably would say no, which is not at all outside her rights, Mom would either guilt trip her or start shouting. Remember all the shouting we had to deal with as kids, Vanessa? Remember the spankings, and when we’d get things that we cared about taken away because we were ‘too old’? Because I remember. And so does Remy. And that stuff scarred her. Scarred all of us. Only you call the scars ‘character’ while Remy calls it what it was: abuse.”

Vanessa seethed.  _ “He _ needs to get  _ his _ head on straight. Mom never hurt us! And all this transgender and gay stuff can stop! Mom’s dead, you stuck it to her until the very end, Remy! You never grew out of your rebellious phase! Congrats! Our mother died convinced that you hated her!”

“Funny, I was under the impression that she died hating  _ me,” _ Remy said. “Because being gay, or transgender, is not a phase! Some days I feel like a woman! But I’d be demonized by everyone in the house except for Toby if I told any single one of you when I was still dependent on our parents! I wouldn’t have been able to go to college, or marry the man of my dreams, or raise my wonderful kids together with him! She didn’t love me, she loved who she wanted me to be! She  _ hated _ who I am, Vanessa, why can’t you see that?!”

Vanessa slapped her and Remy could feel herself spiralling into a panic attack. Toby snapped, “Vanessa! That’s not okay! Ever!”

Remy turned to face Vanessa, who just slapped her again. Emile came over and grabbed her wrist, squeezing it tight enough that she cried out in pain. “You keep your hands off my wife!” he demanded. “You’re no better than your mother was if you’re behaving like that! She hurt Remy too, you know, even after Remy moved in with me! I wasn’t going to say anything, but she  _ stalked _ Remy! She nearly got arrested several times! She called our kids bastards and claimed that our eldest was a girl, when he’s very much a man!  _ That _ is the woman you’re celebrating, everybody!  _ That _ is the woman you gathered here today to honor! And if you’re okay with that, then fine, we won’t be talking to you anymore. But think carefully before the next time you say she was a great woman. Because she may have had her good days, but she also had some terrible ones as well. And in my professional, as-a-therapist opinion, your bad days say a hell of a lot more about you than your good ones.”

Remy was crying as Emile turned to her and lightly touched her cheek. “The actual service is done, do you want to go home?”

Hiccupping, Remy nodded. She made eye contact with her father from across the room, before her father turned away to talk to other guests as the chatter started up again. So that was that.

The boys, Patton, and Toby all walked with her outside and let her cry out her shock and panic, and when she was calm again, she and Toby hugged. “I’ll call you soon,” Toby promised. “We’ll hopefully get to meet-up soon after this.”

“Yeah,” Remy said. “Give me a couple days to calm down and we can talk about some visiting time with just the two of us.”

“And some time with my nephews and nibling,” Toby said with a smile at the kids.

“Of course!” Remy said with a small laugh. “I’ll call you when I feel better.”

“I look forward to hearing from you,” Toby said. “And I’ll try and talk some sense into Vanessa. See if she’ll apologize. It was pretty clear she was drunk and grieving, though that’s no excuse.”

“Yeah,” Remy sighed. “I love you, Tobes. I don’t say that often enough.”

“I love you too, baby sis,” Toby said with a wink. “Talk soon.”

Remy agreed as she got in the van and Emile drove them away. “That could have gone better,” she sighed.

“Could have gone worse, too,” Emile pointed out.

“Let’s not...let’s not think about that,” Remy said with a strained laugh.

**Author's Note:**

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